I like to think it a success when the cops are called
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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