Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
