I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
