How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
