I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
