she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
