Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
