dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
