I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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