i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
