haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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