you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
