You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I supernannyed him into submission
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
