Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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