If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
