For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
