Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
