i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
