Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
