I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
