If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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