matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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