we made out on top of his cat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
