just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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