Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
