Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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