And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
