conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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