god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
