I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
