The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
