Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
