I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
