I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
