i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
