1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Even my vagina gasped.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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