I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
