I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize