how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
