You can't motorboat a personality
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
