He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
