Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
