We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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