Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
