you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
