Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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