remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
