haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
