The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
