If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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