I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
