shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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