I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
