it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
