i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This couple is walking their pig around campus
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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