U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
