He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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