You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
