lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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