Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize