gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
