I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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