Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
