It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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