i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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