and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone signed my nipple.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
