Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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