i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
