whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
