Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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