Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
