ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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